Protector

When we were first married, I felt like Shonn didn't show enough emotion or get impacted by things as much as I did, and it bothered me!  I wanted to know why he didn't get upset when things happened.  I have come to find out that wasn't (and isn't) true at all. Instead, Shonn doesn't show his emotions to me because he wants to be strong so I can be weak. :)  I learned this after our first dog, Sophie, died.  

Sophie was such an angel - for those of you who knew her, you remember how true that was!  I had my little blond cocker spaniel through a lot of transitions, and she was the most loving, loyal, and consistent companion for me when things weren't that consistent otherwise.  I really believe God gave her to me just when I needed her most!  

Shonn and I were both teaching in Shelbyville and I was chaperoning a dance when Shonn came to pick me up one night.  I'll never forget him saying, "I have to tell you something, and I want you to be okay.  It isn't good.  Sophie isn't good."  He held my hand and I cried even thinking about losing her.  When we got home that night, she was in the garage, and he was right - she wasn't good.  I picked her up and held her in my lap on a white chair in our living room.  And I cried.  I loved her so much that it makes me cry even telling this story.  But it's an important story to tell, because Shonn stayed right there with me.  Did he love Sophie? Yes.  But mostly because he knew how much I loved her.  

He went to the vet with me the next day and he held my hand and hugged me and again, was strong, as I said goodbye.  It was horrible.  When we got home, he dug a grave for her, and when I was ready, we said our goodbyes.  I fell apart, and again, he was strong. 

Months later, I asked him how he could stay so strong during such a heart-wrenching experience, and he shared with me that while he dug the grave, while I wasn't there, he wasn't strong.  But when I was around, he didn't show emotion because he wanted me to have someone to lean on and depend on.  I loved him before that day, but even more afterwards.  

Many times since that experience, which was in the first year of our marriage, I have wondered, "Why isn't he upset about this, too?"  Then I remind myself of the strong man who held my hand when I needed it and cried over the grave of my sweet Sophie when I wasn't watching.

I am so lucky.